Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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