Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
