Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
