dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
