I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
