Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
