You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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