You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
