I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
