remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
