I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All the doctor said was why
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
