I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Still dying that you shit outside
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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