it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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