At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
