it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
