Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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