My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just high enough for therapy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
