the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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