it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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