dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
