Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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