i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
COCAINE IS GR8
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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