if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize