I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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