girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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