I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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