Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize