He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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