i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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