Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
