she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
