yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i came on her dog
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
