I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
