She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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