and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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