so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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