someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
