Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
