How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
