I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
