I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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