the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
