I just made out with a guy for $7.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
