Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
