Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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