u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
