It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
