I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
