Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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