take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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