I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
