Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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