Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
