She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
...so i touched it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
