The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
