what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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