im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
