Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
