Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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