your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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