dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
