then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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