we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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