she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we're so committed to being not committed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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