I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I supernannyed him into submission
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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