apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
