Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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