i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
