after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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