when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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