we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
