she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
