no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
