I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
