We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
