i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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