Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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