Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
