Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my phone needs a breathalizer
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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