I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
