The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
