The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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