i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
