omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
