whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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