i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Text me some of your sweat
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
